You Are an Influencer Whether You Want to Be or Not 😅

Sunday, I was in the car with my mom, watching my kid’s ski race live timing on my phone. As I was cheering them on, screaming in the passenger seat, my anxious stomach realized what I was so fearful of had happened. He fell. And she missed a gate. I hurt for them. I hurt because I knew that even if I were there, there was nothing I could do. They were going through the experience, and it was a confidence-building moment. Sure, I could tell them that it's going to be OK. To get back up there and take a second run. To try again. But they know that. They know that because that's what I've taught them. They know that's what I would say if I were there. But more than anything, they know that's what I would do, and that’s precisely what they did. 

I shared this photo on my social and got many responses from moms, dads, and parents of pets (see below). It's natural to feel this way, but it's essential to recognize our incredible impact on our children's development.

As we drove, I got two notes that made me realize we had to discuss this topic. My friend Jamie asked, “If they don't see it modeled, how can we expect them to do it as they grow?” And Jennifer said, “Especially now, seeing how my confidence or lack of it is mirrored by my child. It’s scary and something I’m trying to be mindful of daily. 

As parents, we become the first and most important influencers (forget about YouTube) in shaping their perceptions of self-worth and capabilities. Conscious parenting involves intentional actions to create a positive environment for our kids to grow confidently. Here are some steps to take:

Lead by Example: You knew this was coming! Demonstrate self-confidence through your actions and decisions. Children absorb behaviors by observing those they look up to the most—YOU! You don't have to be strong all the time - BE REAL. When you're nervous, show how you're working through it. When you're making a tough decision, show your process. Include them (as much as possible at their age level, and remember they are smarter than you think) and share the steps you're taking so they know that when they are stuck, they can work through it. And share with them your results! Be PROUD of yourself and your efforts! Show them that they can go through challenges, no matter the outcome, that they will make it through, and that everything is a learning lesson.

Discuss Self-Expression: Create a safe space for your child to express themselves openly. This could include discussions about their feelings, dreams, and fears. Let them TALK, and you LISTEN. Don't jump in all the time finishing their sentences. Refrain from jumping in to lead their ideas based on what you believe as reality. Let them express themselves without being judged or shot down. Share your feelings with them. Tell them your hopes, dreams, goals, and what you want in life. WOW. Have you ever done that?? Can you imagine what that conversation could lead to? Make a personal and shared family vision board! Set goals together! The ideas here are endless! 

Encourage Decision-Making: Allow your child to make age-appropriate decisions. This fosters a sense of autonomy and confidence in their choices. Instead of immediately answering for them, ask them what they want (and then don’t override them!). When it was my daughter's birthday, I was going to throw her a class party, and all she wanted was to go to the movies with a few friends. MOM, IT'S NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY. Let them decide what they want, not what you want. And who says they need to have a party and invite everyone? PS If you still feel that obligation, please stop. We saw Frozen, and it was her favorite birthday memory. And be solid in your choices. Don’t let your kids see you change your mind just because your friends disagree. Show them that what you choose matters and you shouldn't be swayed by others. Have confidence in making decisions and sticking to them.

The confidence we cultivate within ourselves radiates outward, shaping the narratives our children internalize. When they see you upset about how fat you are or how your job sucks, and you're complaining about being tired and stressed - what are you teaching them? What do you expect - that they won't do the same?

Stop complaining about your life and do something about it.

You don't like your body? Show your kids that you will take better care of yourself - and do it with them! Go for hikes and bike rides, play pickleball, and swim in the pool. Stop saying you're tired. When you tell yourself you're tired, you'll be tired. Focus on living life! Go to bed earlier. Workout. Eat better. Do the things! If you don't want your kid to grow up to have your same insecurities, BREAK THE CHAIN GIRLFRIEND. 

Every day, I wake up excited to see what's out there - what steps I can take to improve my life. I'm so focused on my hopes, dreams, and goals, and my kids know it. When they think of me, they think of the word CONFIDENT. And you want your kids to do the same, so let’s take the steps together, gf! 

Love you. Gotta go. Bye. 

xoxo

Tamara

I'm working on a new website with inspirational content to build confidence. Please shoot me your thoughts on what you'd like to see - from the topics you'd like to learn more about or challenges you're facing that you'd like advice on. Think about the life you're living today, the woman you want to be, and all the steps in between.

Showing you how I’m pursuing my dream inspires you to pursue yours. The more we lead by example, discuss self-expression, and encourage decision-making, the more it allows us to inspire confidence in ourselves, our children, and each other. So let’s start today, gf! What are you waiting for? Let’s goooo!!!